Last week we went to the Oregon coast to spend an entire week in a beach house with my side of the family. Naturally we had an “AWESOME” time, as Badger would say. It had all the magic and hilarity of a large family gathering: my brother-in-law constantly breaking wind and refusing any and all desperate pleas for him to go outside, kids playing, kids bickering, my parents bickering, a cutthroat game of Phase 10, the constant running of the washing machine and dishwasher, and so much more that I could go on for two more paragraphs but I think you’ve got the idea by now.

One evening we had an impromptu talent show in which many of my nieces and nephews sang, danced, recited poems, and displayed their ability to touch their noses with their tongue. Elliott even played a song on his guitar. The show ended with Sunny laying on my bed and crying because she wanted so badly to get up and sing a song, but was too nervous to do so. This probably says as much about the intolerant,critical, and perfectionist nature of my sisters kids as it does about Sunny herself. It was sad for me to watch because, alas I have been in that same situation many many times myself and as a parent you always hope that your children will have it better than you.

I had been to Oregon a couple of times before this trip, but I’d say this was the first time I took notice of some things other than all the TREES and the fact that you can’t pump your own gas. One of the funniest things I noticed about the great state of Oregon is all the signage. I mean the state government either must think that the general population is made up of total idiots or they are just really really nice and helpful and honestly wish the best for all their residents and visitors. Along every street there are signs for churches this way, and parks that way. Also many of their signs were simplified. For example a speed limit sign simply said SPEED, or where in other states you would have a sign that said ‘Falling Rocks’ their sign just said ROCKS. At first I found this quite funny, and I was forced to wonder if they felt they had to dumb down the signs for an ignorant population. But in the end I decided the were simply streamlining, making things easier for people, because it takes less time to read ROCKS or SPEED than ‘Watch out for Falling Rocks Please’ therefore drivers will be less distracted.

One of our favorite signs said ‘Play Safe. Stay off Logs.’ because is it really necessary to warn people to stay off logs? Are there a lot of dangerous log incidents? Then I saw piled up on the beach about twenty large logs that had drifted up out of the ocean, and I could just picture my kids running and playing on them while they shifted and rolled causing children to fly off in every direction and ending in the emergency room. And who wants to spend their vacation in the emergency room? Nobody.

Because of my kids year round school schedule, and the fact that the school changed their track assignment, Sunny and Leo missed their first week of school while we were gone to Oregon. We had planned the trip long before we knew of the track change, and since they are in First and Third grades we didn’t feel it would be a big deal for them to start a little late. Yesterday was their first official day, and it was rough for them both. Leo’s teacher talked to me after class to discuss what a difficult time he had. He talked real loud, and ran in the hall, and wouldn’t heed warnings to stop. I said ‘What? Leo? I don’t believe it! He always listens to everything I say, and never says loud obnoxious things!’ Then out loud I told her she should try spanking him and locking him in the closet, or threatening to take away his gameboy, because we’ve found that both work pretty well as behavior modifiers, and that if she doesn’t have a sense of humor about the whole thing HE WILL QUICKLY DETECT HER WEAKNESS AND KILL HER. Sunny cried all night about her teacher who yelled at some of the kids in the class, therefore Sunny is now scared shitless of her. The only positive thing she had to say about the day was they did a really fun art project. And her lunch was good.

So as I was laying in bed last night at 3 am worrying about Sunny and Leo and how they were going to handle the rest of their lives, I began to wish that life for them could be more like the state of Oregon. Wouldn’t it be nice if all along the roadways of their lives there were signs that said ‘Happiness Next Left’ or ‘Be Well, and Love Each Other’ or ‘You Will Be Okay Ahead’. Simple, informative signs that would guide them to a happy life without fear, disappointment, and bad days at school. If life for them was like Oregon, it would certainly make my job a lot easier because the fact is that I am, in many ways, their sign posts. And it’s a hard truth that I will never be able to keep them from the bad things no matter how big my flashing orange ‘Danger!’ sign might be. And it feels like such an overwhelming job to hold up signs for them, when at times I wish I had some signs for me.